Half Life

[noelleleithe.livejournal.com]

Title: Half Life
Author: noelleleithe
Rating: PG
Pairings: Luke/Noah, implied Luke/Reid
Word count: ~885
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything here except my own words. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author's notes: The awesome (and talented!) neverwiser graciously agreed to allow me to remix her wonderful story Things, from Noah's point of view. Unbetaed, so any failings are my own.

~~~~

If you could be objective about it (which you know you can't), you probably wouldn't be able to argue too much with the idea that there are things about Reid Oliver that probably make him better than you. Maybe even better for Luke.

He's rich, like Luke, able to buy him whatever he might want without thinking twice about it, able to let Luke buy things if he wants without feeling uncomfortable. He's brilliant, famous, with connections all over the world, setting aside that a lot of the people he's connected with can't actually stand him. He's had experiences you've only dreamt of. He's well-traveled, well-educated, well-read, well-informed.

(You don't much want to think about how he might compare in certain other areas, but even though you and Luke had sex a lot last year, even though you didn't leave a single fingertip of skin untouched on each other's bodies, you didn't really have that much time together in the grander scheme of things. Reid's much older, with years more time for hands-on learning. Not to mention that he's a doctor, so it stands to reason he could know things about human anatomy you haven't yet had a chance to consider.)

Sure, Reid is brusque. Snarky. Hell, the truth is he's an ass, often rude, rarely friendly. But his bedside manner isn't bad, most of the time. You laughed together more than once during your checkups, before and after the surgery. There's an actual human hidden somewhere under all those masks. You'd actually just gotten to the point where you could see yourself becoming friends with him, when you found out he'd been lying all along.

He wants Luke. He wanted Luke almost from the beginning. And that little hidden tidbit of information colors every single thing he's said and done to you, and to Luke, since he first came to Oakdale.

But the thing is, you want Luke, too. You never stopped wanting Luke, even when your life was in shambles and he kept pushing, pushing, never letting up, never understanding why you needed room to breathe, why you couldn't be what he wanted you to be. He's always pushed you, from the very start, and in a lot of ways it was exactly what you needed. Without him, you might still be hidden in the closet, toeing the wrong lines, spirit squashed like a bug under your father's thumb.

It's just that sometimes it's all too much. Sometimes he doesn't know when to stop. He pushes, harder and harder, and you find yourself pushing back. Pushing until he goes away. Or until you do.

Being with Luke can be hard work. Some nights you'd go to bed as tired as if you'd run a dozen marathons, just from trying to keep up with him. He fills every room he's in until you feel like there's no space for you sometimes. He challenges you on every level, to be everything he knows you can be, and you try your best to help him be everything you know he can be in return. Even when he doesn't want to hear it. Even when he fights you every step of the way.

All those mental workouts have paid off. You're so much stronger now than you were when you first met Luke. You know you can get through this alone, if you have to. You can go on, survive, make a life on your own. You can find love again. You can be happy.

But you wouldn't be Luke happy. You've had that bright sunshine surrounding you, warming you, lighting up all the dark places deep in your soul. You can't imagine living the kind of half life you'd have without it.

You find yourself at WorldWide without even really remembering getting there. No one questions you as you stalk your way through the building, finding Luke's office as if guided by an internal compass. You're inside with the door closed behind you and have him up against the wall, kissing him, before he even knows you're there.

You know you're a mess. You're all rough edges and sharp points, and you know you don't have the finesse and practice of someone like Reid Oliver. You're a workhorse, not a thoroughbred. But you're smart and kind and solid and loyal, and you love with all that you are. And all that you are loves Luke Snyder.

Deep inside, in some part of you that never gave up, you know that no matter what's happened these past few months, all that Luke is loves you right back.

He fits his body to yours automatically, and you find that connection again, the imperfect pieces of your imperfect selves weaving together, filling each other's gaps. Your mouths clash and melt against each other, and when you touch him, fingers twisting in his shirt and dipping below to glide over his skin, you burn. You feel his heartbeat pounding against yours as they fall into sync, like they were never apart.

He whispers your name against your mouth like a blessing, seeping in deep, washing away your stains like they never were.

This. This is why you're here. This is why you live.

For Luke.

And you're the reason he lives.

And in the end? None of the rest of it matters.